


Better off Forgotten

by askull4everyoccasion



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Child Abuse, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-12 00:50:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5647855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/askull4everyoccasion/pseuds/askull4everyoccasion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sans recounts his time spent under the care of the royal scientist, W.D. Gaster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

*My first memories weren't really happy or sad. I suppose they were more neglectful than anything. My dad, or at least I assume he was my dad, worked a lot. After I was born he would bring me with him into his lab but when I was just a baby bones I wasn't allowed to touch anything he was working on. Of course that didn't stop me from absorbing what information I could from him. Whenever I didn't feel like playing with my toys or reading from the books he gave me I would just sit and watch him. Watching him back then was like magic. I always thought he was so smart and cool. I wanted to be just like him.

*As I got older he started to let me help around the lab. Just little stuff y'know? I would carry things for him or hand him stuff he needed. I really loved doing that... It gave me a purpose. I was his little helper. Of course back then I had no idea what he was working on or what was in store for me and my brother Papyrus. It might have just been me and my dad but I didn't really have anything to complain about. Back then he seemed nice. Back then I thought everything we did was normal. Every kid grew up in a lab helping their dad out with his research, right?

*Then finally came the day where things started to change. I took a step up from dad's little buddy and became something more. He started to test me more. My endurance, my stats, he wanted to know everything about me and my limits. It was strange. The previous day I was just his little kid... then all of a sudden I was his test subject. I didn't think this then but now... was that his idea from the beginning? Was that all I was? All WE were? Just objects to poke and prod at?

*Everything about me back then seemed satisfactory. My HP was normal, my endurance was... okay. I'll be honest with you, I've always been pretty lazy... heh. I remember whining a lot during those tests, it really got on the doc's nerves. Oh yeah, around then I kinda stopped thinking him of a dad and more of a doctor. Up until later he hadn't been mean to me or anything, I just figured he was a distant type of guy. Hey, I am too. Maybe that's where I get it from. Of course my amazing sense of humor is all my own. He never did like my jokes. They were always just sort of brushed off or ignored.

*After that the doc started to teach me bone magic. I remember him telling me that it was something specific to skeleton monsters. He could do it too. I learned how to summon bones for attacks in tons of different ways as well as how to dodge them. Those days were pretty tiring. It felt like was gearing my up for a fight to the death a lot of the time. Strangely enough... those days have really helped me in the long run. I never thought I would do as much fighting as I do now, but everything I learned from him back then has really come in handy.

*I think months must have gone by like that. I remember him waking me up and spending nearly the entire day training me or making me exercise. You have no idea how hard it was for a lazy bones like me. I took naps whenever I could, but when the doc caught me sleeping instead of practicing he always got really angry. He never hit me or anything like that but... man, remembering it now, I would get chills with the looks he gave me. Needless to say those looks got me on my feet pretty quick, although in the end it never did stop me from taking as many naps as I possibly could.

*I guess after awhile he figured I was good enough with the basics and things took a turn for... well, for the worse. The doc taught me about humans and what they had done to our kind, about how powerful they were. I started to wonder if his intentions were to make me a weapon. He explained how monsters could effect the soul of another to a point if they were magic users, like making them feel heavy or immobilizing them, but he told me he wanted to take it a step further. Back then I didn't know what he meant by that... but I didn't have to wait too long to find out.

*I'll never forget the first time he put me on that table. I was scared even before it all started. Funny how I was still such a little kid but knew that being strapped down was a bad sign. He hooked me up to all sorts of monitors and machines. I gotta tell ya, one of the things that sucks about being a skeleton is that your soul is just kinda... out there for the whole world to see. We don't have flesh to hide it, so that fragile little thing just sort of sits in our ribcage. Seeing him hook things to it just made everything worse. He hooked things all around my head and eyes too, but I still don't know what it all was. The early days are blurry since I was such a little kid. Heh... pathetic to think that those are some of the most coherent memories out of all of them as things went on.

*I don't know what he injected me with but I remember things becoming really hot. Skeletons don't really feel hot or cold to any extreme degree so this was pretty new to me at the time. At first it was like my soul was going to vibrate clear through my ribs... then things boiled upwards and into my head. I remember things getting... colorful. Then there was a pounding in the back of my skull that just got louder and louder. It was... it was awful. The heat and the pounding just kept getting worse. I remember asking him to stop, that it hurt really bad, but I don't think he was listening. Most of the time he just stared at my vitals. Things get fuzzy around then... I remember feeling something 'snap' and every part of me felt like it was going to explode. The last thing I remember was a loud crash. After that I woke up in my bed.

*Even after I woke up I felt horrible, like all that time I had been asleep had meant nothing. I drifted in and out a couple of times before realizing that my left eye had a bandage over it. When I felt it there was a weird numbness to it even through the bandage. I bet I stayed in bed for another full day before finally forcing myself to get up. It took even more effort after that to leave my room. That had been the first time the doc had done something to hurt me and... and it was scary. I don't know how I managed to get the courage to go out, but I did eventually.

*Man, I had never seen the lab in such a mess. It was weird because the doc was... really happy. Happier than I had ever seen him before, that was for sure. Whatever he had done to me had been a 'success'. It sure hadn't felt that way, let me tell you.

*The next few days were the most relaxed I had in awhile. I still helped out but there was no training or exercise. I think I spent most of the time sleeping. I guess even the doctor figured I deserved a little rest after that mess. When he finally took off that bandage I realized that I saw the world in a totally new way. I saw the doc's soul even through his clothes, but focusing on it made me really tired. He started to teach me what it could do, how to control anothers soul.

*All the training with bone magic before was pretty much replaced with training this new power I had been given. I could lift another monster off the ground and move them around however I wanted, although of course at first I could barely even do that. I didn't think anything could get as tiring as the training before but man, this took the cake. Day in and day out he had me test it, getting better and better until it almost came naturally. Thankfully along the rode I learned to 'hide' it too, although that didn't happen until later.

*Once he deemed me good enough with it he tested me again. Apparently whatever he had done made me much more... lethal. My bone magic was ten times more powerful but much more draining. I was already lazy before but after that... jeeze. Doc didn't let up too much, but I did get one or two more actual breaks during the day.

*As time drew on I noticed the doc going away more often. I never did figure out where he went. Did he have another lab I didn't know about? Did he go outside? To this day I don't have a clue. During that time he would vanish for hours, then days. I wondered back then if maybe he had gotten what he wanted out of me and eventually I would be abandoned. It was a scary thought for a little kid. I tried helping him out even more than usual when he was around but it didn't seem to help him stay. He didn't seem mad at me either so I really had no idea what was going on.

*Then one day he walked in holding something. He showed it to me and explained that it was my new friend. I'll never forget seeing little Pap for the first time... he was the coolest little baby bro I could have ever asked for. Man I... I don't even know if we're technically brothers, but... I don't care. The first moment I saw him I knew that he was what I wanted to protect. There was so much innocence and wonder in his tiny sockets. I think that was the happiest day of my life, not gonna lie.

*The experiments died down for awhile then. I still helped out but most of the time I just enjoyed taking care of Pap. I fed him and read him bedtime stories, I told him all the jokes that the doc hated and... heh, back then when he couldn't talk he would make this gurgling noise. I think even then he hated my jokes but somehow it was still so fun to tell them to him.

*As Pap got older and we acted like... well, like a pair of little baby bones, the doc got pretty annoyed with us always running around his lab. A lot of days we would end up shut in our room playing with each other unless I was needed for help. Papyrus was the same even back then... loud, confident, knew exactly what he wanted. Some big brothers might think their younger siblings are annoying but I never did. Papyrus brought a meaning into my life that I had never had before. I was there to teach him everything I knew and to guide him through life. We didn't exactly have much of a father figure, after all.

*I had nearly forgotten about all the experiments at that point. A new baby bro will kind of do that. It was almost as though we were a normal family, at least as normal as I had a concept of back then. As we both got older I started to help out even more. I still regret some of the days where Pap would beg me to play but I didn't. I always wanted to, but... the doc would give me that same chilling look and I just did what he said.

*The first things I helped him with from start to finish were the Gaster Blasters. At first I wasn't entirely sure what they were gonna be for, but eventually I realized they were a weapon. I used to really beat myself up over being made just to kill humans, or at least that's what I guess... but after awhile I stopped caring. After awhile you really stop caring about a lot of things if you know whats really going on.

*Once the blasters were finished I was hooked up to to more machines. Thankfully this time around it didn't hurt; at the very most it was just uncomfortable. I learned how to summon them and properly use them just like bone magic. They were... way more deadly though. I think the first time I actually used one I had a heart attack. Or... well, what I assume would be a heart attack.

*Things went into a new routine as they always did when I was 'given' something new. I spent my days practicing how to use it or helping the doc in the lab. Added onto that though was taking care of Papyrus. Back then I would even skip naps to be able to spend time with him when I was done working. Crazy to think that now, right?

*But like everything up to that point it never really stayed. It was like normalcy came in waves. Just when I was feeling great about my life, how things were okay if not great, everything started to change again.

*I... really don't know how he managed to get me back onto that table a second time. After the first time I started to realize that it never meant anything good. He hooked my up to all of the monitors just like before and injected me with something new. I started to realize that all this time I had been helping him with these things, with what he was doing to me. Why did I help him? I still ask myself that sometimes. If I hadn't have helped him would I have escaped at least some of the things I've gone through? Or would I have just delayed it? I guess... I just wanted him to have a use for me. It was a purpose.

*Have you ever had someone shake you? Well, it was a bit like that bit a hundred times worse. The world felt like it was vibrating all around me, like at any moment I would just start falling apart. It made me feel really sick and dizzy and it lasted for a lot longer than the previous time. I pleaded to know what was going on and he actually clued me in a little that time, he was giving me the ability to teleport. My body was teleporting so fast and at such a small distance that it felt like the world was shaking around me. It took awhile for it to finally calm down, I had to concentrate really hard to stay in one place but once I did I felt almost normal again.

*The following weeks I teleported into things by accident a lot. It was pretty disorientating but at least every time I messed up it made Papyrus laugh. He was still too young to really realize what our lives were going to be like, so this was all just a game to him. Honestly though I really didn't mind bumping into walls for awhile if it meant I could make him happy.

*While I learned how to reign in my new powers I was told to start teaching Pap how to use bone magic too. I really didn't want to at first, but Papyrus was really excited to learn. I just worried that he was going to have to go through the same stuff I had, y'know? I wanted to protect him from that but back then I just didn't know how. 

*He was always so much better at me with everything, even back then. It had taken me months to learn the things he could do in only a couple of days. Everything he did was controlled and precise. Whenever we play fought together I would always let him win. I didn't want him to ever think that he was anything but the greatest. Because, to me, that's what he was. He still is.

*Of course you can't really expect two kids to take that type of thing seriously. We goofed around a lot which made the doc pretty angry sometimes. Occasionally we would accidentally break something or hurt one another and he would get really angry. I remember he scared Pap a few times and I hated him for it. I didn't like to see my little bro cry. I took the blame for most things then just to keep him from feeling bad, but he always came to me after to tell me I didn't have to do that sort of thing for him. Even back then he told me he was a big kid who could take responsibility for his own actions. I really admire him for that.

*Just like before things settled into a sort of routine. I learned more and more about what I was helping with and the more I learned the more it frightened me. If the past had told me anything by that point it was that whatever we were working on would somehow, someway, find its way as a part of who I was by one way or another.

*I juggled a lot of responsibilities back then. I helped teach Pap how to use magic, was still trying to get a hang of everything that had been put into me, and at the same time was helping the doc with his work more and more. I hate to think that he was the reason I got so into science, but I did. I loved working with him even though I knew it would always end with me being hurt. Aside from taking care of Papyrus it was the only thing I really had going for me, y'know?

*As we worked together I tried my best to distance myself from the subject at hand. Deep down I knew I was the text subject for all of this but what was I going to do about it? It was the life that I had always known. Aside from walking between labs I had never even really seen the outside. I wasn't even sure where we were. All I knew was our history; we had been sealed away by humans. The doc was always pretty adamant that I know it was all the humans fault that we were down here, that they were horrible creatures. How was I supposed to think that, though? I had never even seen a human. Why would I consider them bad without knowing anything about them?

*He taught me that some humans have the power to manipulate time, although back then we really didn't know what to call it or how they did it. We started to figure out a way to do it ourselves and after what felt like forever, finally developed something that could combat it.

*Of course... that meant becoming a guinea pig again.

*It was just like all the times before. I was hooked up to machines and strapped down to the same table. By this point I tried really hard to sort of detach myself from it all. I had already experienced some pretty intense pain so I knew what to brace myself for. Sadly it never helped too much, each time was a different kind of pain or disorientation.

*It started how it always did, feeling a burning sensation throughout every bone in my body. It bubbled up through my chest and into my head; my eye socket in particular. All I could do was grit my teeth and deal with it. I remember hearing Paps start to cry but I couldn't see him. I think the doc made him go back to his room.

*After a few minutes I remember the doc saying something about it working, but I blacked out. I woke a few seconds later from the pain and saw him say the same thing again... and again... and again. I was stuck in a loop. Everything would go black but I would wake up to the same horrible throbbing in my head just to hear the doc's same words over and over again. That was the success, I guess... only it seemed I was the only one who realized time was skipping over and over.

*I panicked. What if I was stuck in this loop forever? I didn't know how to control it, how to stop it. All I knew was the pain and those same words again and again. Eventually I stopped blacking out and saw the time skips as they happened. The pain would with the time, but started up again as soon as everything went back to normal. I really don't know how long I was stuck in that loop or even how far I was stopping everything. I still don't, really. It's not something I play around with. Can I stop the whole world? Or just the small space around me? We never really got that far in figuring it out.

*Eventually the skips got shorter and shorter until stopping altogether. By that point I was pretty used to the pain and just wanted it all to end. I guess my expression had changed pretty dramatically in those few 'seconds' because it startled the doc a bit. It was considered a success and I was finally freed from those damn machines hooked up to me. After that all I wanted to do was sleep, but the doc kept me awake asking me what I had experienced.

*Even after I was allowed to go to bed Pap was pretty worried about me and didn't want to leave my side. I could tell he had been crying the whole time and it took a lot of effort to lie and say I was okay. I didn't want the poor kid to worry. He slept in my bed that night. I guess all the crying had finally slowed him down a little to get more than just a few hours of sleep.

*I was given a few days of rest before the doc had me getting control of my new abilities. It was weird to try and do, as every time everyone around me would freeze and not realize that it had worked. I didn't like using it, it made me feel... strange.

*I helped the doc prep a better formula for being able to manipulate the souls of others after that. I remember wondering why he was making a new version, as the one I had seemed to work fine. There were things he didn't like about it I guess, things I couldn't do or something. I don't know. As we worked on it I thought it was going to be for me, just another thing to have to muscle through and deal with. If only I had been right.

*When he made Pap get on the table I could feel every part of me crumble. I tried to tell him everything would be okay and there was nothing to worry about. Maybe the doc had made it less painful, right? But once it all began and Papyrus started crying... I'll never forget it. He begged for it to stop and for me to do something... but I didn't. I watched with horror as my little brother was tortured just the same way I had been. I should have done something. I should have stopped it... but I didn't. I let it happen. It's still one of my biggest regrets.

*In the end I ended up running away from it like a coward. I hid in my room and cried as Pap screamed on the table. I'm such a horrible brother.

*He carried Papyrus back into the room eventually and laid him on the bed. All the doc said to me was that it had been a success. I was so angry at him, but mostly at myself.

*Pap slept for a long time after that and I spent all the time I was able by his side. When he finally woke up he wasn't smiling... I think that was the first time I ever saw him not happy. He asked me why our 'dad' had done something like that and why it happened, but I didn't have any answers for him. What could I say? That we were both just his experiments to do what he wished? I did the only thing I could do, tell him jokes and make light of the situation. I got him to smile after a couple attempts even though he hated my jokes.

*I started to question what I was doing more after that. Whenever the doc wanted to work more on things we had already done I tried to steer him more towards something new in the hopes that it would all be put on me instead. I didn't want Pap to get hurt anymore. If I could take the damage instead that was all that mattered. My little bro's smile is the most important thing to me.

*There was no denying it though. I wasn't a baby bones anymore... I knew that eventually I wouldn't be able to protect him anymore, not in the environment we were in now. I tried to think of something I could do, but back then I really didn't know. Even if I did save Pap, what would happen then? Would we run away? Surely the doc would find us and bring us back. What would happen then? Would the experiments get worse? It wasn't something I wanted to risk, not when Papyrus could be hurt.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans recounts his time spent under the care of the royal scientist, W.D. Gaster.

*Just like before everything went back to a routine. We were a semi-functioning family, I guess. I had stopped seeing the doc as my dad a long time ago but Pap still toyed with the idea despite everything that had been done to him. He didn't like the idea of giving up hope that our 'dad' was a good person and was doing all of this because he had to, that there was a bigger point to all we went through. Man... even then he was such a bigger person about everything than I ever was.

*The doc and I started to realize that there were anomalies in the timeline that we didn't even notice before. We started to wonder just how much we missed each time, or if we missed anything at all. We got to work on a machine that would help us keep track of every time things changed or 'reset'. That wasn't enough for him though, he wanted to try and make it so I would remember these 'resets' and could properly deal with them in ways a machine couldn't. I was pretty worried about it but did everything he asked anyway. It was better to have his attention on me than Pap, even if it did hurt.

*After a lot of work we started the tests and... just like before I ended up on that damn table. I wondered if it would be like the last time, skipping time again and again without knowing if it would ever stop. It was really weird when it didn't hurt at all. A part of me hoped it hadn't worked, then we could maybe forget the whole thing... but... unfortunately it didn't work that way.

*As soon as I got off the table I started to see things. They were like flashes at first, memories I shouldn't have had. I saw the doc completely deformed. I saw the lab in shambles. I saw Pap... I saw him die. I saw every outcome of every timeline. I could barely walk across the room without having another vision. Some of them only lasted a fraction of a second while others lasted for what felt like days.

*I spent a lot of time in my room after that. Every time I tried to sleep I would somehow end up in another world. Sometimes it would be fine and nothing would happen... other times I would watch the doc or Papyrus get hurt or killed. The only thing that stayed the same was I couldn't help. Every time I tried it was like I just wasn't strong enough or maybe I wasn't even there. Who knows.

*Poor Pap. I felt so bad for him. Watching me becoming a blubbering mess, crying and going insane... it really scared him. I wish I could have been there for him more during all of this, but I was so out of it most of the time I didn't even know he was there with me. He stayed by my side a lot, I think. He might not have realized it but sometimes I could feel him there beside me, holding my hand and telling me everything would be okay. I lost count of the times I woke up and started screaming and crying about how I had watched him die.

*I don't know how long I stayed like that. Months? I could barely function. The doc had more or less given up on me and as things started to calm down I noticed that Papyrus wasn't in the room as much with me anymore. It worried me but... I had seen him die so many times by that point I could barely manage the will to get out of bed. 

*The first time I finally did was when his crying woke me up. I called out for him and he ran to me, hugging me as though I was the only thing that could make him feel better. He told me what had started happening now that I was in bed so much, the doc had put more of his work into him. Pap told me sometimes it hurt and he wasn't sure if he thought 'dad' was a good person anymore. I tried to convince him everything was going to be okay and I was there for him now, but I don't think he believed it. I don't blame him. I was a mess.

*Despite how horrible I felt I forced myself up after that. The doc seemed pretty surprised when I told him I was okay and wanted to start helping again. Apparently he had written me off completely. I still had visions a lot, especially when I was sleep. While I was awake they would come abruptly, like someone switched the channel on the TV and then switched it right back again. I still get them even today, but they aren't as bad. Most of the time my visions are when I'm sleeping.

*I started working with him again, wanting to move things away from Papyrus as much as possible. I would deal with everything as long as it meant that Papyrus was happy and unharmed. The doc had come to realize that some humans possessed something inside them to allow them the ability to alter our timeline. Apparently just being able to see different timelines and remember them wasn't enough. He wanted me to have the ability to do it too.

*We built a machine in order to extract what we thought was the cause from the human souls that the King had captured. These days we call it DETERMINATION. We ran a lot of tests on it to try and figure out if that really was what gave them the power to alter time and did a lot of test runs. A lot of them came out horrible. A part of me hoped we would never figure it out, then I wouldn't have to go through some of the horrible things I've seen DETERMINATION do.

*How could humans have such a power inside them? Even little kids. A part of me started to believe everything the doc had said about humans. If they had this power then maybe it was just in their nature to be cruel?

*Just as I had feared we eventually managed to develop a decent enough DETERMINATION formula. The tests we had run before made me more apprehensive than I had ever been about an experiment. I tried my best to convince the doc to run more tests just to keep it away from me for as long as I could, but that only lasted so long. I actually fought him that time too. I did everything I could to stay off the table short of hurting him to get away. I honestly thought it would kill me.

*I was almost right.

*At the very least it wasn't painful. Once the doc had the stuff dripping into me I felt... tired. I had always been pretty lazy, but this was different. My consciousness kept going and I could feel my body starting to die. Funny. During it all the only thing I could think about was Pap. I didn't want him to go through what I was going through right then. I wanted him to live a happy, worry-free life where nothing could go wrong. I don't know if that thought was what kept me going. I could feel that my life slipped pretty far away at least a couple of times.

*It must have gotten pretty bad because I remember waking up just in time to see the doc in a panic. He was stopping everything and I could hear the monitor for my vitals beeping wildly. I felt wet... like I was just melting away. My consciousness kept coming and going. I caught only small flurries of activity for... a long time, I think. I remember being moved back into my room still hooked up to the machines. I remember Pap crying at my side. I remember darkness. Lots and lots of darkness.

*Time must have really gone by. I woke up for more than a few seconds for the first time in what I later found out were weeks. The room was empty and I could hear the doc and Pap working outside along with the beeping of my vitals. When I looked up I saw I only had one HP left... which was odd, considering I should have gotten it back by sleeping so much.

*Eventually Papyrus came in and saw I was awake. I had never seen him so happy before. He called in the doc who took my vitals manually just to see if the machine was wrong... it wasn't. After that he barely commented on my health, just that the experiment had been a failure and he couldn't work on me anymore now that I only had one HP. One mistake and I would be dead. 'I would still make a decent assistant though.' Yeah. As long as he could get some use outta me, right? Asshole.

*Afterward I found out what Pap had been going through since I had been out. He had been upgraded to his assistant AND lab rat just like I had been for so many years. I wanted to punch the doc right in the face... but I could barely move. My sheets were always wet and even the smallest movements took all the energy I could gather.

*I laid in that bed for weeks doing little more than sleeping and trying to convince Papyrus everything would be okay and I would be fine. It was hard to do when I couldn't move... and even if I did I only had one HP left. How far was that going to get me? I could trip on a rock and die, it was beyond ridiculous. Who could survive like this?

*I tried to shove my self-pity to the back of my mind and focus on my bro. If I was useless now I knew what was in store for Papyrus.

*As I spent all my waking hours fighting to get up and regain some of my strength, Pap was forced to go through the same things I had. Hearing him scream and cry made me fight as hard as I could, but it still took weeks to be able to finally sit up and even longer to stand. Every movement I made felt like I would fall into a puddled mess. I noticed my bones always felt slimy, especially when I exerted myself.

*Poor Pap. Every day he would come back into our room looking down. The days the doc experimented on him were the worst. He didn't like working for him, he was still just a little kid. The doc yelled at him a lot, as though he expected Papyrus to know everything I did even being so much younger. Where I had always just sort of rolled over and taken what was thrown at me, Pap fought it. He knew what was happening was wrong. He was scared that I was going to die. It was a real possibility... especially now that I only had one HP.

*Once I could finally walk again the doc ran some tests to see if anything at all the experiment had been meant to do worked.

*It hadn't.

*The only thing I was left with in the end was a fragile body that wanted to fall apart. He deemed me too weak and too delicate to be experimented on any further. Even trying things to get my HP back seemed too dangerous. If one thing went wrong that was it, I was dead. Pap was there sitting beside me when it was made official. I saw his head hang. He was still a kid but he knew what that meant now too. He had a brother half in the grave and would be the doc's primary focus with new tests.

*We both cried a lot that night.

*I wanted to do everything I could for Papyrus, but what could I do in a state like that? During one of the many nights I laid in bed I decided that I had to do something. If it was going to work I would need to make sure there was no room for failure. I had to get into an even better shape than I had been before. I had to be there to protect my brother.

*Very slowly I worked my way up. Walking didn't feel like such a chore. I could jog without collapsing the first few seconds. I honed all those skills the doc had given me more than I probably would for the rest of my life. While poor Pap was shut away with our 'dad', I was busy becoming as fast as I possibly could... as strong as I could. I worked harder than I ever had before.

*There were times when I would push myself too much and collapse, feeling my bones ooze and drip. I had to stop then, realizing I could work in very fast and short speeds before needing to rest. I just hoped that was enough.

*I started to work with the doc again, knowing that any time away from him would be less stressful for Papyrus. I did everything he asked, but slowly. I didn't want him to think I was as well as I felt... and I didn't want to further any experiment that would potentially hurt my brother. Things got mostly back to normal. The doc settled into the same routine as always, only now he was preparing his new test subject rather than me.

*Every night I would reassure Papyrus that everything was going to be okay.

*Every night I went over the plan in my head.

*I bid my time. I worked for the doc slowly, watching as he started to develop the same painful formulas that had been put into me for Papyrus. He wanted Pap to be stronger than me, more controlled and more powerful. Already he was more tuned for fighting than I was, even before I had become a one HP wonder. Whatever Pap had been given while I was in bed was making him into a much more effective killing machine than I would ever be.

*Of course if I had any say in it my little brother would never have to hurt anyone. He was too innocent for that. He meant too much to me.

*Finally I decided that it was time. I felt sick as we walked across the suspended walkway over the core. We were heading from one lab to another just as normal. I must have been squeezing Pap's hand too hard because I remember him complaining about it. As soon as the doc turned to look back at us I made my move. I used the powers he had given me to lift him up and roughly toss him over the side and into the core. He was a lot heavier than I thought and for only a split second I didn't think I would be able to do it.

*I heard him yelling as he fell.

*I didn't look back.

*I grabbed Pap's hand as tight as I could and teleported us as far away as I could manage, then started to run. At first he was screaming at me. 'What have you done?!' 'He might be dead!' 'Where are we supposed to go now!?'

*Every question he shot at me made me doubt what I did. I didn't stop to answer him. I just kept running and running.

*Only a few minutes later and there was a strange shock wave, like the world around us blipped in and out of existence but only for a fraction of a second. It knocked me off balance and I stumbled into the ground. When I looked back at Papyrus he looked confused. I couldn't keep it in anymore and started to cry my eye sockets out.

*I told him everything I had done was for him. I told him I didn't want him to go through what I had. I wanted him to be safe. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted to protect him. He just stared at me and said...

*'What are you talking about?'

*I didn't fully realize it then but I do now. Knocking Gaster into the core erased him from existence. The strange wave I felt must have been the timeline being cleaned of his memory. Papyrus didn't remember because he hadn't been given the 'gift' to see every time something changed like I had. I had stopped Gaster before that could happen.

*It took a lot to keep it together. All I could do was grab Pap's hand and start walking. His questions made it even harder. 'Where are we?' 'Where are we going?' 'What's going on?' All I could tell him was that our home was gone now and we had to find another one. When he asked 'why' all I could muster was that it was just... bad now. We had to find a new place to stay.

*We walked for a long time, or at least what felt like a long time to me. I tired pretty easily, Papyrus barely looked winded... but he did look worried. When we sat down to rest he started with the questions again but I didn't know what to tell him other than our old house was gone and we couldn't go back. He was naturally curious so he kept prying and prying... and I'm ashamed to admit I snapped at him. It scared him. I had never lashed out before and apparently I was scary when I did. I tried to stop him from crying by brushing it all off with jokes... y'know, how I usually did. Eventually he seemed to accept my answers. I didn't want to elaborate on anything... I didn't know how much had been wiped from his memory.

*I hadn't thought past getting rid of Gaster. What were we going to do now? I was exhausted but could barely sleep. What were we going to do for food? Shelter? How was I going to take care of Papyrus all on my own? I would need a job. I would need money. I had to get us somewhere to live.

*The first few weeks were the worst. It wasn't as bad as all the tests but at least then we had food and a place to sleep. We ate a lot of garbage, much to my brother's absolute dismay. I could eat anything I realized, I didn't care. I tried to shove what I had done to the back of my mind for the sake of my brother. When I could sneak away I would steal food from some of the local vendors. I gave all the good stuff to Pap... I just wanted him to have the best of everything despite our situation.

*At the same time I didn't want him to know what I was doing... what I had done. I didn't want any mistakes I made in life to influence him in going down a darker path. I would protect him from everything as much as I could.

*We wandered for weeks. Out of Hotland and through Waterfall until eventually Snowdin. I had scraped together a small amount of gold by shifting through garbage and even stealing a little from monsters we passed. Being fast had it's advantages.

*The inn was the first place we stopped. I used what little gold I had to get us a room, at least for the night. The innkeeper was pretty shocked seeing us, I guess we looked pretty disheveled. I had grabbed what clothes I could from the trash to make us look at least a little more inconspicuous. Hospital gowns and lab coats weren't exactly every day attire.

*Having a bed and a shower was nice. Both of us slept soundly for probably the first night in weeks. I used the rest of my gold to get us real food at Grillby's. Papyrus never did like greasy food, but back then we were pretty open to anything and he accepted it well enough.

*I decided Snowdin was about as far as we could get from the core. I started looking for honest work. The innkeeper was a pretty nice lady, she gave me a cut on the rate of the room while I saved up for a nice place for me and Pap. Actually everyone in Snowdin is nice. I'm glad we settled there.

*After we first showed up I did get a few questions from the locals asking where we had come from, but I've never told anyone anything. To this day not even Papyrus knows the true story of what happened... I never want him to know. He's happy in Snowdin. He has friends.

*What I've done still haunts me. I hide it as best I can but I have my bad days. Never a day goes by that I regret it though. I did what I had to do to protect my brother. Papyrus is everything to me. When I killed Gaster I made my choice.

*I made the choice that anyone who threatens the life I carved for us is dead where they stand.


End file.
